Two Guys, One Van are:

One Guy: The Philthy Hippie

The Philthy Hippie. Undisputed Lord of Awesomeness…

Philthy’s early days were filled with bar fights, hookers and rock ‘n roll (as well as a successful foot modelling career). Until one day he decided to turn his back on the good life and become boring. So he took up mountain biking, made new friends, started to turn down lucrative modeling contracts and got a hair cut. Now, his days are filled with long walks on the beach, reading the newspaper and trying to talk Schlonky-Pooples out of doing crazy things on his bike. Philthy really is the voice of reason in this escapade.

Here are some of the crucial things you need to know about Philthy:

  1. He’s 6′ 1″ tall ladies. For those of you who don’t like the shorties…
  2. He’s Cancarian (for those of you who are into the Zodiac)
  3. He’s devilishly good looking. It’s true. Both his grand parents have said so.
  4. He’s kind to puppies.
  5. He must be about the best looking guy on Youtube.


The other Guy: Mat

Mat: Not on a transalp, but fetching the kids from school

Mat is German. And being a German there’s not much else to say about him. He’s puncual. Efficient. Can speak German at at least a second language level and has blonde hair and blue eyes. He’s also tall, athletic, handsome, punctual and efficient.

Here are some crucial things you need to know about Mat:

  1. He’s German.
  2. He’s punctual and efficient
  3. He can speak German at at least a second language level.
  4. He’s blonde and has blue eyes.
  5. He is tall, athletic and handsome.
  6. He’s also punctual and efficient.
  7. He must be about the second best looking guy on Youtube.

The Other Other Guy: Marty Mc Fly

Marty’s new Tinder profile pic. Trying to look mysterious…

After leaving the ‘Tal… Marty went on a quest in the pursuit of love, life and happiness.. As a result… He ended up with an engineering doctorate and mild addiction to midget and donkey porn. The two things, he claims, are mutually exclusive. Marty’s main role in the group is to ensure that every squeak in everyone else’s bike is meticulously pointed out. A skill he acquired while obtaining his engineering doctorate.

Here are some crucial things to know about Marty:

  1. He has an engineering doctorate.
  2. Despite claiming that nobody knows his true identity… We all know exactly who he is.
  3. He claims he can quit midget and donkey porn “Any time he wants…”
  4. He once spent an entire work day calculating the dag co-efficient of a cow.
  5. He must be about the third best looking guy on Youtube.

The Other Other Other Guy: Nicolai Crotch-Hammer

Nic… Just realizing he didn’t shower this morning…

Nic has a long list of pursuits and interests… Flower pressing, needle point and oil painting are but a few… And yet… Despite these more gentle pursuits, when handed a bike, Nic sheds his calm demeanor in favour of tank tops, cocktails and shred. Nic et a baby once…

Here are a few things you need to know about Nic:

  1. He et a baby once.
  2. He currently holds the “Two Guys One Van trophy for Best Scar”.
  3. Despite holding a doctorate in Biology… Nic does not know why zebras have stripes.
  4. Nic actually knows who Max Plank is.
  5. Nic must be the fourth best looking guy on Youtube.