Trips and Tips

Trips and Tips

Right. This is where we’ll be adding the tips and trips (funny that. ‘coz that’s what this page is called). So just scroll down untill you find the header for the trip you’re looking for and have a read of the tips for that trips yoh…

South Africa.

Right. So if you wnna learn how to throw down with a massive Potjie to amaze your friends or woo a hot betty… Check out the instructable… We also added a “couple must” do things into the blurb about the trip… But here are some serious tips you will need to bear in mind on your loving voyage into Mama Africa…

  1. The roads be cray cray man. Seriously. Be careful out there. Don’t be in a rush to get anywhere. Keep them peepers pealed at all times. And always expect the unexpected.
  2. And while we’re on roads. Don’t stop to help people. Unless you’re 100% sure it’s not a scam. keep your doors locked. Stay outta dodgy neighborhoods. Be prepared.
  3. Car guards. Car guards are homeless peeps that work informally as peeps that watch over your car when you’ve parked up somewhere for a bit ‘o shopping or somefink. Tip them. They don’t get a salary or payment from any other source. Be good to your car guards… and your car woon’t get burgled.
  4. The Saffa is great. There’s people to put petrol into your car while you sit on you fat ass and do nothing while at the service station. And because you’re a lazy fat ass… Tip the guy. It’s the least you can do to compensate for your lazyness. Actually… Screw it. You’re not lazy. I take that back… And this is one of the things I miss a lot about the Saffa…
  5. Just because you wonder around the Ewe-rope or ‘Merica (FUCK YEAH!) with you cell phone (mobile/handy) in one hand, wallet in the other hood up, hat on, ear buds in… Oblivious to everything around you… And never get mugged in where ever you’re from. Don’t expect that in the Saffa. You will get robbed. And when you tell people about it. They’ll be like “Well what did you expect you poes…” Keep your shit safe, secure and stowed. Or kiss it good bye.
  6. If you go up into the Transkei (Which you should do…) Beware the Pondo Feaver. Which is a totally real thing. Although not really medical in any way. It’s just what happens to people when they pitch up in the Transkei at one of the beach towns. Realise there’s nothing much to do except buy dirt cheap (and excellent quality) weed and shrooms. Get monged and sit on the beach all day making a Jembe drum and learning how to surf. While spending all might playing killer pool, trying not to get buffalo’ed (if you’re caught drinking with your right hand, you down what ever is left of your drink) and trying to score with some hot shoeless German betty with dreddlocks (yip. There’s always one…) And the next thing you know six months have passed and your visa has expired, you’ve missed your flight home and been fired from your job. So fuck it. May as well stay.
  7. Car rental is pretty cheap. Mileage unlimited on most packages. but the Navi is expensive. Bring you own (with Saffa maps loaded) or just use you mobile… the pro tip here is use the google maps to get in and out of the cities, but once on the highways, use the signs. The major N routes (if you’re using those) are well sign posted and super easy to follow.
  8. When i rolled into the Saffa I just bought a pre-paid sim card. Cost like €1 and you can bang both air time (for calls) and data (for porn) onto there as you need it. The pro tip here is data is cheaper when it expires quickly. So 150mb for 1 week is WAY cheaper than 150mb for 1 month. Ca’peesh? and yes. your whatsapp deets stay he same wiff a noo sim. So you’re peeps can still dick pick you nee bosh like.
  9. Speeding… Just fucking DON’T! Honestly. If you’re in a rental. You will get absolutely SHAFTED on admin fees. Speed limit is 120km/h on the highways (unless otherwise sign posted. And 60 km/h in town. Unless otherwise sign posted.
  10. Rugby. Learn a little about it before you go if you’re going during the season. Hit the pubs and watch the games with the locals. Pick a team. When they’re doing something boss… You yell “Province” with you hand in a fist! Yes. We know you’re not supporting Province. I mean… Fuck. Who does… But “Province” is both a team… And an outburst of support for.. Urm… Your team. You don’t need to understand it. Just accept that this is the way it is.
  11. Which brings me onto the “Lean”. When your team is sending the heavies in trying to smash the ball over the line. Or hitting a massive rolling maul… Or in a ruck… You absolutely have to lean in the direction your team is playing in. This helps them. You don’t need to understand the science. It’s too complicated for you. And if they don’t score. You didn’t lean properly. And Naas Botha will call you out on it.
  12. The last Rugby point is this. It’s totally OK to support South Africa, But love Ma’a Nonu. You just not allowed to talk about it. Ever.

And just for shits and giggles… here’s a song about all the shit you can do in Coffee Bay. Because… Why not.

That’s it so far for the Saffa. But we’ll keep this updated as we think of more stuffs.


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